Barbara's Blog

 February 10, 2012

Most of my professional life was spent in education, teaching psychology at the community college for many years and eventually moving into administration.  Of course, now, I am the president/CEO of Friendship House, but I have never stopped teaching.

My husband, Mike, has a theory about people and jobs and I am a firm believer in his belief: regardless of the various job titles people have in the course of a lifetime, there is one role that each of us clings to faithfully. For example, one reason my husband, the journalist, has been so successful in his role publishing a business newsletter is the simple fact that he has never stopped being a counselor at heart...sounds strange, but he is a great listener and people find him easy to trust.

The most fulfilling part of my job as CEO of Friendship House is still teaching and mentoring. To me, teaching is about growing people for the better and convincing them that they are capable of far greater things than they ever imagined. Over the 40+ years of my career, I still am awed by the student who suddenly turns up in my life, many years later, swearing I changed their life. Sometimes I remember them, but more often than not at my age, having no clue of who they are, much less how I could possibly have changed anything in their life. God bless them all—it certainly makes my day.

But the lesson is that we have no idea whose lives we end up effecting, how many, what the circumstances were, how long ago it was, or whether we even meant to change anyone.

In many cases, the best we can do is do the best we can...just in case.

"There is nothing like staying home for real comfort." Jane Austen

"Home is where you go when you don't want to go anywhere else." Andy Rooney

The older I get, the truer these words become. As much as I love to travel the world, I am always grateful to return to the place my journey began. As we at Friendship House prepare for the chaos of the holiday season, I started wondering what "home" means. What essence, what core, does "home" boil down to...what is there that is so irreplaceable and comforting to us?

In my own life, it is simple to see the comfort and explain the longing because I am so lucky: a comfortable home, a safe neighborhood, wonderful music and books, plenty to eat, adoring pets (technically, the cats are not in that category—only the dogs), good friends, and most importantly, the love of my husband and family.

What is home if you have none of these things? What is "home" to you if you are homeless--if you live in a car or at a shelter or sleep in a cardboard box under the Bob Michel Bridge? If you live in a ramshackle house in a dangerous neighborhood, don't have enough to eat, you have few possessions and you move around so much that you don't have many friends...?

One of the many things I have learned in at Friendship House is how little "stuff" actually means; enough food, a roof over your head, and clothes to stay warm are truly enough if someone, somewhere, is waiting for you with arms ready for hugs. I have seen homeless people carry their "home"around with them, because home is a child or a spouse or even an old mutt.

Home is where love lays waiting.

Perhaps we should worry about the loveless as well as the homeless.

October 27, 2011

An unexpected bloom

I try to walk at lunchtime, not merely for my health, but also just to be out and about in the neighborhood, seeing what is happening. (The kind of things I have witnessed is a subject for another entry—perhaps in retirement!) Earlier this week I was walking over the usual bumpy, cracked sidewalks, passing weed-filled lawns, vacant lots filled with garbage; suddenly I stopped in my tracks: against all odds I saw the deep purple blooms of a clematis plant, moving horizontally over an abandoned stretch of broken driveway. It was so beautiful and so unexpected! The shock of seeing it made it that much more lovely.

When you inhabit, however briefly, the everyday world in which Friendship House exists, it is difficult to maintain illusions about the changes we try to make...you can't make it very long working at a place like FH filled with the foolish ideals of youth. Work days would be endlessly depressing. As a result, you learn to measure out the joy that comes with meaningful mission work in very small units: the smile of a child with a book or a teddy bear; an elderly man with a "new" overcoat from our thrift store; a family who can eat well for a few days.

But every once in a while, we are lucky enough to see a flower bloom from a seed we have planted long ago...a child from our after school program, now in college, studying nursing; a Dress for Success client who has just bought her first house; the homeless family settled in an apartment now because Dad or Mom got a job...an unexpected bloom.

Pray for rain.

Friday, October 14th, 2011

It's Slime Day at Friendship House! Yeah!

Sounds silly (as well as messy), but it is very important to the after school program, because this is not any-old slime. This is slime-as-science! Slime-as fun-science! Slime as-getting-our-kids-interested-in-science by enjoying the fun and magic of it. Our new Director of Educational Programs at Friendship House, April Troyer, (married to a Caterpillar engineer) is making science a priority in the curriculum for this year and she has recruited a legion of Bradley and ICC students to help her.

No one can doubt the importance of science in the future success of our K-8th grade students in school, in college, in careers and in life. The state of science learning seems to be deplorable in this nation compared to other nations and yet we know that scientific research, and the applications and innovations that follow are among the things that will keep America #1 in the world.

One fact that has stuck in my brain for a while was a casual comment made by my brother, a professor of civil engineering at Arizona State University a few years ago: he said that he had not had a native-born American doctoral candidate in his program in years! Lord knows, I am an advocate for immigrants, but that is scary! How can that be?

We have to start students now and get them to enjoy science and math and not be intimidated by them.

So you might say the future of America depends on slime.

10/12/2011

Most donors don't make the connection, but all three of these feeding programs are an important part of our efforts to prevent homelessness or to help people get back on their feet. If we provide a family of four with a Sunday dinner 2-3 times per month or we can give a family $25 worth of groceries, that is $25 more that can be put towards the rent or the utilities. I can tell you that each of these feeding programs have increased tremendously in the last two years; from 2008 to 2010, the numbers of meals we have gotten to the hungry through the pantry and the soup kitchen has gone from about 37,000 to 54,000/year.

What is more interesting to me, however, is a change not merely in the quantity of needy people, but also in the quality or nature of the populations we are seeing:

The homeless who come each morning for a free donut and a cup of coffee. It used to be that homeless people were primarily men; the simple fact is that there are fewer societal programs that cover single men, so they become the drifters. Now, however, we are seeing more homeless families...imagine you and your spouse taking your children and living for weeks in your car or under the Robert Michel Bridge...

• The soup kitchen. Traditionally, this is where we would see families. What is striking is that for the first time we are seeing hungry children come for food—alone. Heaven knows where or in what condition a parent or guardian is...
• The food pantry: we are literally seeing pantry clients who used to be our donors!

The sobering truth of the matter is that it is very easy to get poor nowadays and the line between "them" and "us" grows fuzzier every day.